Have you noticed how I haven’t posted in awhile? It was always my intention with this blog to write when necessary, when I needed a good dose of self-reflection (which, I hope, leads to self-acceptance). And since I haven’t written in awhile it means I’ve been handling the noise of life pretty darned well, thank you very much.
And…here we are. I’m back on my blog yearning for a little understanding of my introverted self, and, yes, acceptance of the way that I am.
Summers can be difficult. During the summer, the kids are home…all the time. Summers are for barbeques, family trips, vacations. Summers are not, at least in my life, for quiet. And I need quiet. So easily do the unsteady scales tip that I have to do due-diligence and monitor my introverted self for impending meltdown mode.
This time I just didn’t see it coming.
We had family in town. I don’t think I saw my need to be alone and regroup hurling toward me because I was having so much fun. I loved having my brother and his family in town. The kids were happy and getting along, thrilled, really, to be together. My heart was full with love for these family members and eagerness to absorb every smile, eruption of laughter, sweet hug because I don’t get to see them nearly enough. And when you don’t see someone enough, you don’t want to carve out time for yourself to recharge, especially when the visit is only three days.
Fortunately, I didn’t need alone time while they were here. The day they left and the house returned to quiet, though, I lost my head.
And that’s where I am now.
Crash and burn, baby.
You don’t know pissed off like I am now. But why would I be pissed off? Nothing has happened to make me angry. The reason is because my reserves are depleted. They are so empty right now I’m in a deficit.
And guess what? There is no Monday morning when I can take the kids to school and come home to a quiet house to recharge. They don’t return to school for another two months.
Ugh. This is the problem with summer, isn’t it? It’s supposed to be the time of rest, relaxation, vacation, etc. Often the preparation for this rest, relaxation, vacation time can leave an introvert not recharged but pooped out. (Yes, I did just write that word!). Exhausted. And, like me, pissed off for no reason.
I did take a bath earlier but that’s not enough. I need hours of quiet now but I won’t get those hours of quiet until school starts when I can once again immerse myself into my writing and reading and general quiet self.
So, what is an introvert to do in the meantime? How do we cope when we can’t have our basic needs met the way we want to?
We have to get pretty darned good at recharging when we can. Sometimes this really sucks, but it’s the way it is. We have to be…dare I say it…flexible. Take those coveted five minutes if that’s all we have and make the most of them. Take a bath. Take a walk. Shut the door to the office and watch trash television. Do something. But while you’re doing that something, do it all the way. Shut off the yearning for more time, the resentment over the noise and busy-ness. Lock away the dissatisfaction that summers often don’t turn out the way we want them to.
Always remember, you will get quiet time again. At some point. Your needs will be fully met eventually. We can’t always control the here and now. So be efficient in replenishing your resources and know that you will eventually have your stores back to full and you’ll feel better.
If I had taken moments here and there over the weekend I wouldn’t be so angry now. I don’t want to look back on this fabulous weekend with any resentment and I don’t-even now as I’m shooting ocular darts at my hovering husband. But I do wish I had taken my own advice. Maybe then I wouldn’t have crashed and burned.